Confidence and self-esteem are built over time through relationships, experiences and everyday interactions. Children learn how to see themselves through the way the important adults in their lives respond to them.

When children feel safe, supported and capable, they begin to trust themselves and their abilities. But confidence can look very different depending on a child’s age and stage of development.

Building Confidence in Young Children

In the early years, confidence grows through connection, play and emotional safety. Young children develop self-esteem when they feel loved for who they are — not just for what they can do.

Simple moments matter deeply at this age:

• responding warmly to emotions
• encouraging exploration
• allowing children to try things independently
• celebrating effort over perfection

Parenting expert Maggie Dent says:

“Children flourish when they feel safe, seen and significant.”

Toddlers and preschoolers are naturally driven to explore their world. Giving them small opportunities to succeed independently, like putting on shoes, helping pack a bag or pouring water into a cup, helps build a sense of competence.

At the same time, it’s important to allow room for mistakes. Confidence isn’t built by always getting things right. It grows when children feel supported while trying.

Instead of quickly stepping in, parents can gently encourage problem-solving:

• “You’re working really hard on that.”
• “Would you like help, or do you want to try again?”
• “I believe you can do this.”

Play is especially important during these years. Through play, children practise creativity, resilience, communication and emotional regulation.

Neuroscience educator Nathan Wallis often speaks about the importance of play in healthy brain development, explaining that children learn best through connection, movement and hands-on experiences.

Children also absorb how adults speak about themselves. When parents model self-kindness, calmness after mistakes and emotional regulation, children begin developing those same inner skills.

Building Confidence in School-Aged Children

As children enter school, confidence becomes more connected to friendships, learning, independence and comparison with others. This is often when self-esteem can become more fragile.

School-aged children begin noticing:

• who reads faster
• who is good at sport
• who gets praised
• who fits in socially

Because of this, it’s important for parents to focus on helping children recognise their own unique strengths rather than comparing themselves to others.

Psychologist Carol Dweck, known for her work on growth mindset, explains:

“Becoming is better than being.”

Children who are praised for effort, persistence and problem-solving are more likely to develop resilience and confidence than children praised only for achievements or intelligence.

Instead of:
“You’re so smart!”

Try:
“I noticed how hard you worked on that.”

This teaches children that growth and learning matter more than perfection.

At this age, confidence also grows through responsibility and contribution. Giving children meaningful jobs around the home helps them feel capable and valued.

Things like:

• helping cook meals
• caring for pets
• organising school bags
• helping younger siblings

all build independence and self-belief.

It’s also important not to rescue children too quickly when challenges arise. While parents naturally want to protect children from disappointment, confidence develops when children experience setbacks and learn they can cope.

Parenting educator Dr Vanessa Lapointe explains:

“Children do well when they feel well.”

Children need support through difficult moments, but they also need opportunities to solve problems, recover from mistakes and experience success after struggle.

Confidence Starts With Connection

No matter a child’s age, confidence grows best in relationships where children feel accepted, supported and emotionally safe.

Children don’t need to be the loudest, most outgoing or most successful to be confident. True self-esteem comes from feeling secure in who they are and trusting that they can handle challenges as they grow.

And often, confidence is built not through big achievements, but through small everyday moments:

• being listened to
• being encouraged
• being trusted
• and feeling deeply loved for exactly who they are

Confidence and self-esteem aren’t built through constant praise or perfection. They grow through connection, encouragement, trust and opportunities for children to discover what they’re capable of.

Whether your child is learning to put on their shoes independently or navigating friendships and school challenges, every small moment of support helps shape the way they see themselves.

When children feel safe, valued and believed in, they begin to build the inner confidence that supports them for life.

For more expert insights on child development, emotional wellbeing and raising confident children, explore the full range of videos and parenting resources at ParentTV.