How to Stop Biting and Hitting in Young Children

Categories: Behaviour

Answering a ParentTV subscriber question

“My 3.5-year-old has been hitting his baby sister since she was born—how can we stop this behaviour?”

If this sounds familiar, you’re not alone. Hitting and biting are common behaviours in young children, especially during times of big change—like the arrival of a new sibling. While it can feel confronting (and exhausting), the good news is that this behaviour is both understandable and changeable with the right support.

Why is this happening?

At around 3, 4 years of age, children are still developing key parts of the brain responsible for impulse control, emotional regulation, and empathy. The “thinking brain” (prefrontal cortex) is still under construction, which means big feelings often come out as physical actions.

Research in child development shows that behaviours like hitting or biting are not signs of a “naughty” child, they’re signs of a child who is overwhelmed and doesn’t yet have the skills to cope.

In your child’s case, the arrival of a baby sibling is a major life shift. Even if he loves his sister, he may also feel:

  • Displaced or less important
  • Frustrated by reduced attention
  • Overstimulated by noise and change
  • Unsure how to express complex feelings

Hitting can become a way of communicating: “This is too much,” “I need you,” or “I don’t like this.”

What does the evidence say helps?

Modern parenting approaches grounded in neuroscience and attachment theory (such as the work of experts like Dan Siegel and Tina Payne Bryson) focus on teaching skills rather than punishing behaviour.

Here are practical, evidence-based strategies:

1. Stay close and supervise proactively

Prevention is key. If you know your child tends to hit his sister, stay physically close during interactions.

You might say:
“I’m going to stay right here to keep everyone safe.”

This isn’t about mistrust, it’s about support. Young children need help to succeed in tricky situations.

2. Set clear, calm boundaries

When hitting happens, respond immediately and calmly:

“I won’t let you hit. That hurts your sister.”

Avoid long explanations in the moment, keep it simple and firm. Research shows children learn best from consistent, predictable responses rather than emotional or reactive ones.

3. Teach alternative behaviours

Children need to learn what to do instead. Outside of the heated moment, practise:

  • “Gentle hands” (showing how to touch softly)
  • Using words: “Stop,” “I need space,” “Help please”
  • Stomping feet or squeezing a cushion when angry

Role play can be very effective at this age.

4. Acknowledge the feelings underneath

Validating emotions doesn’t mean accepting the behaviour—it helps reduce it over time.

“I can see you’re feeling angry or frustrated. It’s hard having a baby around sometimes.”

Studies show that when children feel understood, their nervous system calms, making it easier for them to learn new behaviours.

5. Create special one-on-one time

Even 10–15 minutes a day of focused, child-led play can significantly reduce challenging behaviour.

Let your child choose the activity and follow their lead—no phones, no distractions. This helps refill their “connection cup” and reduces the need to seek attention through negative behaviour.

6. Notice and reinforce positive behaviour

Catch the moments when your child is being gentle or kind:

“I saw you touch your sister so softly—that was really caring.”

Positive reinforcement is one of the most powerful tools for behaviour change.

7. Understand that this takes time

There is no quick fix. Brain development, emotional skills, and sibling adjustment all take time and repetition.

Consistency, calm leadership, and connection are what create lasting change.

A final note

If the behaviour feels intense or ongoing, it can be helpful to seek support from a child health nurse, psychologist, or parenting professional.

But most importantly, remember this: your child isn’t giving you a hard time—they’re having a hard time. And with your support, they will learn safer, more connected ways to express themselves.

You’re already taking the most important step by seeking guidance. Learn more from these Parent TV videos.