Conversations about consent and the way young people treat one another are appearing more and more in our news and communities.

For parents, these conversations can leave us wondering: how do we help create something different for the next generation?

When our children are only three, six or ten, that question can feel a long way from everyday family life.

We’re dealing with playground disagreements, siblings wrestling on the floor, unwanted hugs, arguments over toys and someone yelling, “STOP!”

But perhaps that’s exactly where the conversation begins.

Because we don’t suddenly teach consent when our children become teenagers.

We teach it in hundreds of small moments throughout childhood.

Consent isn’t a “sex talk”

For young children, consent is really about learning boundaries, respect and how to navigate everyday relationships with others.

It can sound like:

“Do you want a hug?”

“She said stop, so we stop.”

“Ask before you take something from his hands.”

“You don’t have to kiss Grandma goodbye. You can wave instead.”

“He doesn’t want to wrestle anymore.”

“Ask before you take someone’s photo.”

These everyday interactions teach children two equally important lessons:

My boundaries matter.

And:

Other people’s boundaries matter too.

Watch on ParentTV: ParentTV expert and Safe4Kids founder Holly-ann Martin talks about why we should teach children about consent and give them autonomy over their own bodies in Teaching kids about consent.

Watch Holly-ann Martin on ParentTV

Teach children that “stop” actually means stop

Think about how often children practise consent without us even realising it.

Tickling. Wrestling. Chasing. Hugging. Rough play. Sitting on each other. Taking toys. Entering bedrooms.

These are all opportunities to practise respecting another person’s boundaries.

If your child is tickling their sibling and their sibling suddenly says, “Stop!”, you don’t need to turn it into a big lecture.

Simply reinforce:

“They said stop. Stop means we stop.”

Even if they were laughing 30 seconds ago.

Even if they started the game.

Even if your child thinks they’re still having fun.

This teaches something fundamental:

People are allowed to change their minds.

Let children say no to affection

Many of us grew up hearing:

“Give Grandma a kiss.”

“Go and give Uncle John a hug.”

“Don’t be rude.”

Usually, it comes from a loving place. We want our children to show affection and respect.

But we can teach manners without teaching children that they owe someone physical affection.

Instead, we might say:

“Would you like to give Grandma a hug, a high-five or a wave goodbye?”

If they choose the wave, that’s okay.

A child shouldn’t have to override discomfort with physical affection simply to protect an adult’s feelings.

And when we respect their “no”, we’re modelling exactly what we hope they’ll offer someone else.

Read on ParentTV: Teaching Consent and Advocating for Children’s Rights explores how parents can model consent and support a child’s right to refuse unwanted physical affection.

Read Teaching Consent and Advocating for Children’s Rights

But consent doesn’t mean children get to say no to everything

There is an important distinction here.

Bodily autonomy doesn’t mean a four-year-old gets to decide whether they need to wear a seatbelt, brush their teeth or receive necessary medical care.

Adults still have a responsibility to keep children healthy and safe.

But even when something isn’t optional, we can respect their body and feelings.

“I know you don’t want me to clean your cut. We need to clean it to keep your body healthy. I’ll tell you what I’m doing and we’ll go slowly.”

We’re showing them:

Your feelings matter, even when I have to make a decision to keep you safe.

Boundaries and compassionate parenting aren’t opposites. Children need adults who can be both kind and clear.

Watch on ParentTV: Dr Vanessa Lapointe explores this balance in Discipline without damage doesn’t mean without limits, boundaries or growing up.

Watch Dr Vanessa Lapointe on ParentTV

Teach children how to hear “no”

This might be one of the most important and overlooked parts of teaching consent.

We often focus on teaching children:

You are allowed to say no.

But children also need to learn:

Other people are allowed to say no to you.

And sometimes that’s disappointing.

Your friend might not want a hug.

Your sibling might not want to play anymore.

Another child might not want to share something special.

Someone might not want you sitting quite so close.

The lesson isn’t that children shouldn’t feel disappointed.

It’s that we can feel disappointed and still respect another person’s boundary.

“You really wanted him to keep playing. It’s okay to be disappointed. But he’s allowed to be finished.”

That’s a powerful relationship skill.

Children learn that another person’s “no” isn’t something they need to argue with, negotiate away, guilt them about or ignore.

For young children in particular, this requires skills they are still developing: impulse control, emotional regulation and the ability to cope when things don’t go the way they wanted.

Watch on ParentTV: Maggie Dent talks about how we can help children gradually develop these skills in Teaching children self-regulation.

Explore Maggie Dent’s videos on ParentTV

Don’t only teach children to listen for the word “no”

Respecting boundaries is also about noticing another person.

Someone might not always clearly say “STOP!”

They might move away, become quiet, stop laughing or look uncomfortable. These can be signs that it’s time to pause and check in rather than assume they’re still enjoying what’s happening.

We can help children learn to notice those moments:

“She doesn’t look like she’s enjoying that anymore. Why don’t you stop and check?”

“He moved away. Give him some space and ask if he still wants to play.”

We’re teaching children something bigger than simply following a rule.

We’re teaching them to notice other people, check in and listen to the answer.

If we’re not sure someone wants to keep going, we stop and ask.

Teach body safety without creating fear

Consent also gives us a natural way to talk about body safety.

Children can learn the correct names for their body parts and understand the idea of public and private parts of their bodies, without conversations becoming frightening or shame-filled.

They can learn that their body belongs to them and that they can always talk to a trusted adult if something makes them feel unsafe or uncomfortable.

These don’t need to be one-off “serious talks”.

They can simply become part of the language we use around bodies and safety at home.

Watch on ParentTV: Holly-ann Martin explains how parents can introduce these ideas in Teaching body safety using the concept of public and private.

Explore Holly-ann Martin’s body safety and consent videos

Consent extends beyond our bodies

As children move through primary school, these conversations can expand.

Consent and respect can apply to someone’s belongings, bedroom, privacy and, increasingly, their digital world.

We can teach children to:

• knock before entering someone’s room
• ask before borrowing something important
• not read someone else’s diary or messages
• ask before taking or sharing someone’s photograph
• respect someone’s personal space
• not embarrass someone online for a joke
• keep private information private.

For older primary-school children especially, this creates a natural bridge into conversations about online behaviour and digital consent.

A simple family principle might be:

If it belongs to another person, their body, belongings, photo or private information, we respect their say in what happens to it.

Teach both sides to every child

Consent education shouldn’t only be about teaching children how to protect themselves.

And it shouldn’t become a conversation where girls learn how to stay safe while boys learn how not to hurt girls.

Every child needs both sides of the conversation:

Your body belongs to you.

Other people’s bodies belong to them.

You can say no.

Other people can say no to you.

You can change your mind.

Other people can change their minds.

You don’t have to provide affection to keep someone happy.

Someone else doesn’t have to provide affection to keep you happy.

Those lessons belong to all children.

Perhaps this is about something bigger than consent

When difficult stories involving young people appear in the news, it’s tempting to ask:

At what age should we teach consent?

But perhaps the bigger question is:

What kind of humans are we trying to raise?

Because underneath consent are values we begin teaching very early:

Empathy.

Respect.

Kindness.

Responsibility.

Self-control.

Bodily autonomy.

The ability to tolerate disappointment.

And the understanding that another person’s wants and feelings matter too.

We teach those things when our child stops tickling their sibling because they’ve been asked to stop.

When we don’t force the goodbye kiss.

When they knock before entering a bedroom.

When they ask before taking a photo.

And when they hear “no”, feel disappointed and learn that they can cope with that feeling without making somebody else responsible for fixing it.

These moments can seem insignificant.

They’re not.

They’re where children practise the relationship skills they’ll eventually take into adolescence and adulthood.

We don’t need to wait for the teenage years to teach consent.

We can start when they’re babies.

Not with frightening conversations about what might happen one day.

But with something much simpler:

Your body matters. Other people’s bodies matter. Your boundaries deserve respect and so do theirs.

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Parenting these conversations doesn’t have to happen alone

Consent is just one of the many big lessons we teach through small, everyday moments. And as our children grow, the questions change too.

ParentTV brings together trusted parenting experts to help you navigate the things that come up along the way, from boundaries, body safety and emotional regulation to behaviour, friendships, anxiety, technology and the challenges of growing up.

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