As children are growing up, it’s important for them to learn the proper names for all of their body parts. Parents and other adult caregivers almost always correctly label the parts that all people have in common—like our eyes, nose, mouth, etc.—but they often utilize vague euphemisms when talking to children about their genital parts. For example, adults might refer to them as “private parts” or “down there” or use babyish or slang terms that, unfortunately, can communicate that those parts of us are “different” or maybe even bad. Naming the vulva and vagina or penis and scrotum in the same direct and accurate ways we point out that people have a urethra, buttocks and nipples helps to normalize those parts and encourages healthy attitudes and effective communication.

It’s quite common for children between the ages of three and five to ask questions about where they came from, or more generally, where babies come from. Some parents and caregivers may interpret this to be a question about sex, when a child is really asking about their place in space and time. The simple answer to the question is that a baby grows inside the biological mom’s body in a place called a uterus (not the stomach or belly!). Then, when the baby is ready to come out, it goes through a special passageway, called the vagina, to the outside world. Adults can then add the fact that in some cases the doctor takes the baby out of the uterus through the belly. Simple, direct answers like these will not only satisfy the child’s curiosity in the moment but also encourage them to ask more questions in the future. And in the process, children will come to identify parents and other caregivers as their primary sources of information.

As young children grow, they spend a lot of time wondering about and exploring their own bodies. They’ll likely have a lot of questions, and adults can help them best by providing proper, respectful names for all of their body parts and functions. Using direct, accurate terms—like “penis,” “vulva” and “buttocks”—is not only age-appropriate but also supports healthy development. Young children are concrete learners who acquire most of their knowledge through sensory experiences. It’s quite natural and normal for them to want to touch and explore all parts of their body, including their genitals. In fact, for many children these behaviors become a type of self-soothing, since touching their genitals feels good to them, which, in turn, is a source of comfort. Helping children understand that it’s good and normal to explore their bodies, while gradually teaching them that these are private not public behaviors, is the most helpful adult response

“How are babies made?” is a question that many adults, sadly, dread having to answer. But, if we can remember to think about the question from the child’s perspective, answering it actually becomes much easier and straight forward than we think. When children ask about their origins, they aren’t interested in knowing about adult sex at all. Their curiosity is about the mechanics of how they came to be in the world. At this age, keeping our answers brief and developmentally appropriate is important. One simple answer is that a baby starts to grow when a tiny cell from a male body (called a sperm cell) joins with a tiny cell from a female’s body (called an egg cell). This kind of response may well satisfy children’s curiosity at the moment, but at some point, most will gradually go on to ask for more detail. If we stick to the pattern of giving short, concrete answers until their curiosity is satisfied, we’ll remain on track.

Children receive messages about gender from the time they are born, often based on rigid expectations about the proper roles for girls and boys and men and women, and reinforced through clothing and toy choices, television shows, advertisers and society at large. Enforcement of strict gender norms comes at the expense of young children who simply don’t understand why they cannot wear what they want to wear or play with the toys they want to play with. Children who are bullied or put down for not adhering to these expectations may feel isolated and experience low self-esteem. It’s important to allow children to be themselves and to celebrate all the things that make them uniquely who they are.